Why Do I Need To Prove I Am Worthy?

Recently I found myself in a position that I found all too uncomfortably familiar and I had a very hard time holding my tongue (which was socially imperative at the time) and so now I want to F#%/*& rant a little!

I consider myself an artist. Will I say I am a GREAT artist? No WAY man, I can honestly say that I have way too much fun to take it quite that far and say I am a "serious" artist! I am not! Could I have been? Most probably! Why am I not? Because I do not want to be! Not before in life nor will I care to do so in the future! Why not? Because that whole "make it look like ...." thing is just too d%#^ much WORK! My artistic choices tend to be geared towards having more fun, spontaneity and a with just a little more instant gratification! I want you to look at my work and think "Wow, I've never seen that before! I wonder how they did that?" I do not want to spend hours grueling over the perfection of an arm or a pose! I do not care to spend my life looking at my work with microscopic scrutiny to find my mistakes! Geeesh! Just Take a PICTURE for crying out loud!

Oh, I had my moment(s) when that was a path I could have chosen, but I soon tired of the monotony of pumping out boring drawings and paintings that you could buy in a paint-by-number box! By the time I should have pushed myself forward and taken my artistic abilities to task, I BAILED! Yup, I just shut it all down and was done with it all! I punked out big time! For years I would not even mention to people that I had anything at all to do with anything artistic! I was really burned out from the "Oh, can you draw my dog? Will you paint my horse?" I would work for days on a drawing and then give it away, they are then very happy! Mention BUYING some artwork and watch 'em shut down! So if people started talking about something artistic I would just oohh and aahhh along nodding my head like a dashboard decoration!

I bet Doctors hate going to parties!

I did go through another spurt in my early adult years where I did some nudes for a few friends and a nice clammer ensued, but again, I opted to get a life! Time is money when your raising a family! Big kudos to all those awesome artists out there who stick it out and go on to make a real living or better, but I couldn't do it! My "art" became something else in my world, pride in doing excellent work, at a paying job!!

Later in life...

I had the opportunity (luxury) to take some college courses for my leisure (as opposed to career geared) and found myself drawn to taking several art classes! I took whatever they threw my way for a couple of semesters and then I took a class on "Abstract and Surrealism", WOWEE!! I found something that opened my mind, eyes and abilities to a whole new world! AND I LIKED IT! I have won several awards, so I feel like I am okay, I feel SELF justified! It was a great new avenue for me and to tell you the truth... I hardley ever look back... only when someone says "Oh... your an ABSTRACT artist, doesn't that just mean you can't draw?"

Yeah....that's it! :)